Innocence

Searching for peace and healing this summer has been an interesting journey for me. As I have talked about before, it's been a rough year, mostly by my own doing. I spent many, many hours worrying about where I was going to end up this summer. I didn't pray about it, just worried. I kept going back to Totus Tuus, but it just didn't feel right. I knew I would be doing it just because people told me I should. I felt obligated, not called. So as much as people wanted me to apply, I decided to throw away my application. That was a very difficult decision for me, because I felt like I was letting people down. But I'm learning to let go of always trying to please people, which has helped immensely in my quest for peace. Well after that I knew I would be coming home to Hallmark, but I didn't really have a plan. I was pretty much just wandering at this point.

After I got home, I suddenly found myself with gratuitous amounts of free time. After sitting at home for a few days, I got incredibly bored. Then God gave me the opportunity to spend countless hours with my nieces and Godchild. I got to go to my oldest niece, Caleigh's, band concert. What a blessing! I can't possibly described how imperfect, but absolutely perfect this concert was. They made mistakes, but I didn't even notice. The kids were having a blast, I couldn't help but join in. My niece was pure joy at this concert. Such a beautiful, unadultered, innocent joy. Just being able to witness this showed me that home is exactly where God was calling me this summer.

By simply being at home, I have come to know the healing power of children. My nieces and Jordan are so sweet, so trusting, so innocent that I couldn’t help but let my guard down. I am so blessed to have such an open, loving relationship with my nieces. I am a aunt, a sister, and a best friend. Which means, they talk openly to me about many things in their lives, including faith. Hearing their honest, sweet questions about Christ creates a situation where I am constantly thinking about Christ. I am used to be the light of Christ to my nieces, but this summer the role has switched. They have become Christ’s light for me.

My nieces especially have demonstrated child-like faith for me in such a beautiful, innocent way that I couldn't help but follow. I never thought that my nieces would be teaching me about Christ, but here I am gushing about them. One of my favorite memories of my nieces is sitting in Christmas mass with them. During mass, my two oldest nieces sang their little hearts out. No worries, no restraints. They didn’t worry about what people think, they just sang for Christ. This memory inspires me on a daily basis to sing out for Christ, to focus on just Him.

Being around little children has brought me so much peace and healing. So many people asked me what I was doing this summer and I felt so inadequate, because I wasn’t doing anything spectacular. But now I know that I am doing exactly what God wants me too. I’m spending time with precious little children that are teaching me about Christ. Based on this, I have begun to form a devotion to St. Therese, because I have realized it truly is the little things, like singing with my nieces, that brings me closer to Christ. So next time you are in mass, listen to the little voices around you. Learn from them and their innocent faith. Don’t hold back, sing for Christ.