Will you come?

This past week I had the blessing of attending the Kansas Catholic College Student Convention in Topeka, KS. It was a very good weekend.  It was quiet and sweet, simple and relaxing. God used this weekend to gently, but forcefully, remind of some things that I have been forgetting, like what it means to follow Christ. He called me to Him in such a loving, tender manner that I couldn’t help but listen.

One night during adoration, I found some notes in my Bible from a talk I had with a good friend. At the time, I was really struggling with my sins and how they had transformed me. I felt like my sins were taking over, and I didn’t know what to do about it.

One of my biggest struggles is that I tend to focus on my sins. And you know the saying, “We become what we think about.” So instead of getting better, the situation was just getting worse. A lot worse. It was to the point where I didn’t really recognize myself when I looked in the mirror. Who was I? I was being defined by my actions in a very negatively way.

But in God’s mercy, my friend directed me to C.S. Lewis’ The Great Divorce. Particularly the story of the lizard. I feel like this is an important story, so I’m going to put the link. I had printed this out and put it in my Bible. It’s a long story, but I would love for you to read it. Plus, the rest of my blog probably won't make sense it you don't.

Please read me!

After I read this parable of the lizard though, I realized that God can take the darkest, scariest, and most sinful parts of us and turn them into something that will glorify Him. C.S. Lewis uses lust, but it could be any sin. Anything that comes between you and your Love.  How awesome is that? Our all-powerful God is so merciful that He created a way for me to glorify Him, despite my imperfect humanity. Only God could do this. How beautiful!

One good point in the story is that we need to let go and let God do His thing. Giving up control and dying to your will is hard. Denying your passions and temptations that lead to sin is even harder. Trust me, I know. I struggle with this on a day-to-day basis. But if we let go and let God kill these unholy passions, He will turn these passions into a way to glorify Him. In the story, C.S. Lewis discusses the journey to the mountains, the journey to Heaven. He says that in order to reach the mountain, we must undergo a spiritual death. We must die to ourselves, but the beauty of the mountain will be worth it.

Another point in the story would be our free will. You have power and control over your sins. That's why the angels ask the man. It's up to him. There’s a line from a song that says, “To say that he devil made me do it, is a cop and a lie. The devil can’t make me do anything, when I’m calling on the name of Jesus Christ.” So call on God! Call on your Love when you’re being tempted. He will save you! If you're in a position where you have to make a choice and you don't trust yourself to make the right choice, God will do it for you. Don't hesistate to ask for help. He wants you to!

This all hit me again during adoration. Talk about an amazing experience.

When I got home, I was trying to find a good quote to sum up how my weekend went. Nothing was fitting. I googled: saint quotes, JP II quotes, Mother Teresa quotes, Church Father quotes, Catholic songs, etc. None of it quite expressed how I was feeling. So I just gave up. Nothing fit. I switched to Stumbleupon.com because it’s awesome. I literally stumbled upon this quote:

The very things that held ya down are gonna carry ya up, and up, and up!

How fitting. Once again, God used Disney movies to hammer in His point. The things that cause me to sin, are going to be the things that glorify God. If I give them over to Him. So God can take my sins, my lizards, and turn them into something that will carry me to the mountain, to the Kingdom of God. Just like Dumbo’s ears carried him. God's calling us to the mountain, will you come? 

“Will you come with me to the mountains? It will hurt at

first, until your feet are hardened. Reality is harsh to the

feet of shadows. But will you come?” – C.S. Lewis

Who do you say that I am?

Hello! I decided to go with a Disney theme for a while, because it's something we can all relate to. So here it goes!

After a particularly stressful day a few weeks ago, I decided to watch The Lion King (TLK). I have always loved TLK. I can remember watching it over and over again as a child. Well...I still do this, but TLK was a significant part of my childhood. It's the movie I ran to for comfort when my dad died, it's the movie I watch every time I go home, and it's the movie that I can quote word for word. My nickname is Simba and I can relate to him on so many different levels, even if he is a cartoon. There's alot of comfort for me in TLK. So for me, it's my go-to movie when I have a bad day.
 While watching the movie, I was also reading Confessions by St. Augustine, because I have to read it for my philosophy class. I started thinking about Augustine's journey of self-discovery and how he found himself when he found God.

This made me think about a homily I heard the Sunday before that discussed the person Christ is calling us to be. This homily has been on my mind alot, because I feel like we all struggle with this at one point. The priest discuss how America puts a lot of emphasis on discovering who we are and what defines us. We all get caught up in it some point and I am especially guilty of this. Getting caught up in the self-discovery phase has been my biggest struggle this past semester. I turned towards secular discovery and forgot about the spiritual. I was thinking about where I am at now in my faith life, and where I want to be. I realized that I am nowhere near where I want to be. I got lost on the one way somehow.

 Well, God definitely has a sense of humor and loves to bring me back to Him through it.

I had just gotten to the point where Simba is frantically running after Rafiki in the forest, because Rafiki promised Simba that he could see his father again. Simba gets caught up in the vines as he goes, which hold him back. Suddenly he bursts out by a pond, where Rafiki beckons him forward.

Here's the dialogue from the movie: 
Rafiki: Look down there.

Simba: That's not my father. That's just my reflection.

Rafiki: No, look harder. 

Rafiki: You see? He lives in you.

Mufasa's ghost: Simba.
Simba: Father?

Mufasa's ghost: Simba, you have forgotten me.

Simba: No. How could I?
Mufasa's Ghost: You have forgotten who you are

and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba.

Wow. Talk about hitting me over the head with a spiritual 2x4. God used my favorite movie, a children's movie to hit home a point that I've been fighting for a long time: my identity is in Jesus Christ. Just like Simba, I forgot who I was, and thus I forgot my Father. I had gotten so caught up in the secular world, that I forgot that Christ has already give me my identity. He created me in His image and likeness. There's nobody else like me in the world. Everything I need to know about myself is in Christ.

Why am I searching then if I already have an identity? I'm searching, as the whole world is searching, because it goes the other way too. When you forget your Father, you forget who you are. You lose yourself, when you lose your Creator.  Our world has cultivated this and egged it on in a way. The world tells you that YOU need to discover who you are and what defines you. Christ tells you that His love defines you and that the cross shows you who you are. You're God's child, His own beautiful creation. You are first and foremost a child of God and He claimed you at the cross. That is who you are.  When we realize this, we die to ourselves and become Christ's.

"Yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me; insofar as
 I now live in the flesh,I live by the faith in the Song of God
who has loved me and given himself up for me." 

 So it looks like I have alot in common with Simba, which strikes me as funny. Up here at K-State Simba is my nickname, because of my hair. But boy can I relate to him. Not only did I lose my biological father, but I lost my Heavenly one too. I forgot about him, and thus forgot who I was. I ran away from my spiritual family and I tried to live in a constant state of hakuna matata. I figured if I just kept telling myself no worries, then I would eventually believe it. Like Simba, I got caught up on my way to Him and took a wrong turn. But eventually, I broke through the vines, the restraints, and saw my reflection. I didn't see Him at first, but I just had to look a little harder. Then, I realized Christ lives in me. He is my identity.

I love how God uses the most simple things in my life to bring me back to Him.

She can fly!

Usually in the first post, you tell a bit about yourself and why you started blogging, but I don't really want to do that. You'll learn a few tidbits about me through my blogs. :] So here it goes...


A few days ago, I got to chase my childhood by watching Peter Pan. I love Disney movies and to my joy we have a Disney section at Hallmark. One of our coffee mugs says, "All you need is faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust."  This mug gave me an intense urge to watch Peter Pan, which isn't one of my favorite Disney movies. It's never really appealed to me, but on that Sunday afternoon, I gave in and watched it.
At first, I just sat there eating popcorn and letting my brain relax.

But after awhile I realized how much I can relate to Peter Pan. Growing up is scary, and we've all run from it at times. I've avoided it, and even run in the opposite direction. Change is happening so fast around me that it's hard to find some secure footing. College is flying by, friends are getting married, others are having children, my nieces are growing up very fast, and I'm almost out of my teens. These changes are making me explore unknown territory and it's frightening. I've been trying to live in my own Neverland of endless youth. But it isn't very satisfying.

Change is scary! Facing the unknown terrifies me, because I no longer have control. But I think Peter nailed it on the head. Faith and trust are all it takes. Oh and a bit of pixie dust, but I don't know where I can get some of that. So I'll stick to faith and trust. Although these are still pretty hard for me. There's a reason why they are virtues: they come from God. I learned that they hard way. I was scared of growing up, because I didn't have any faith and I definitely wasn't trusting God.

"Faith isn't the ability to believe long and far into the misty future.
     It's  simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step."   -Joni Erickson Tada"

How do you just hand over control though? How do you just start trusting somebody else with your life? I've struggled with the how for a long time and I'm learning that giving over control is a gradual process. It isn't going to happen over night. It happens by building a relationship with God through prayer. You're not going to give control of your life to a stranger, but you will trust somebody that you have a deep relationship with. In psychology my senior year, we had to do a faith test. We were blindfolded while our partners led us around the school. God's the same way. We don't know his plan or where He's taking us, but through trust we allow Him to lead us into the unknown.

As my trust in God has grown, so have my prayers. I started asking God for these virtues instead of trying to achieve them on my own. Ask and you shall receive.  Instead of just rushing into the unknown, I let God take my hand and lead me. What a blessing! God rained down his grace, or pixie dust if you must, on me and life gradually became a beautiful adventure for me. The good kind now, not the scary kind. God took my hand, just as Peter took Wendy's and before I knew it, I was flying.

I used to wish I could head to the second start to the right and straight on till morning and just avoid growing up and changing. The future is scary if we try to face it alone. But I'm realizing that to live is an awfully big adventure, especially when God is in control. So with faith, trust, and a little bit of pixie dust, I believe I can fly. Will you join me? :]  

God is good.

"With God, all things are possible."